Dear Future Child,
I started this series because I wanted a way to communicate to you through a platform that I’ve cultivated over the years and want you to someday be a part of. Until then, I want to prepare my thoughts, and these letters will partly belong to you and partly belong to me, because they are things I wished I would have known as a child.
I want to talk to you about falling in love.
I want to tell you that it will happen to you, and if you’re anything like me, you’ll fall over and over. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but I do know that love doesn’t follow the rules.
Falling in love is like bubbles and sparkles and sunshine and fresh cookies and a breath of crisp air. Falling in love is unforgettable, and you’ll feel it in your stomach, in your chest, behind your eyes. My wish for you is that you feel this someday, for someone who loves you back equally and ferociously.
Falling in love is the most beautiful risk you can take. I want you to take it, of course, but understand that falling in love is dangerous. I don’t want to tell you to be careful, because I already know what an overprotective mother I will be. You’ll hear it too much. Just please guard your heart.
It took me nearly 21 years to realize not everyone you fall in love with will love you back.
I am so sorry if you ever have to feel this.
But know you aren’t alone in this feeling, and when you do happen to meet someone who makes you want to sing in the shower and dance in public, just remember, they might not be the singing or dancing type.
The first time I fell I in love, I was in second grade. My first crush was older, and definitely didn’t like me back, but that didn’t necessarily result in heartbreak. I have fallen in and out of love too many times to count in my young adult years but can count the times I actually felt my heart break on one hand.
I don’t know if there are words to describe it, but you will know it when you feel it. It will feel like a burning rose, like hot tears, like a sore throat, like a headache behind your eyes, like both pounding rain and a light drizzle, like a cloudy night sky, like a stain on the carpet that you look at every time you enter the room.
When you experience a heartbreak, you will know.
And the worst part is, your heart will still break even if you never got the chance to tell them you were falling in love. This is one of the most afflicting pains you will feel.
I thought I could hide from this kind of agony, and I avoided allowing myself to open this fully to anyone, but someday you’ll meet someone who will make you forget to guard your heart. Falling in love is so blinding sometimes, so debilitating. This is such an amazing feeling, and such a risk. Sometimes it is the very person who you think would never dare to hurt you that ends up breaking your heart the most.
Dear child, I want to protect you and shield you from this kind of pain already, but I know it happens to everyone. It will inevitably happen at some time or another, because life isn’t fair. You won’t ever forget your first heartbreak, and I pray I am there for you when it happens. Because you deserve better, you deserve someone who will give you the sun, the moon, and all the stars.
And hopefully someday, I’ll find that too.