The concept of time is still above me, and I’ve accepted that it always will be. Accepting colossal concepts is both parts scary and relieving, and I’m just trying my best to enjoy each day, even though I could have sworn it was just the end of May.
I spent my summer in my college town rather than at home because I had classes to take care of, along with my job to continue. While it got a little lonely at times, as with any change of routine, it turned out to be the most transitional and transformational summer of my life. Without going into specifics (even though I could write ten blog posts about the difference between thinking you are happy and actually feeling happy) this summer I realized what I actually wanted and how to achieve that. This is what I learned in the summer of 2019.
Look for the little signs.
I have always been a believer in the messages of the universe, as humans are made up of “star stuff” according to Carl Sagan. Carbon, nitrogen, and oxygen atoms are all in our genetic makeup, which was originally produced in the stars over billions of years. Knowing that the cosmos are within us and aligning with little signs can be an easy decision-making method.
Little signs can manifest in random song lyrics, an overlooked conversation with a friend, or even something like noticing a butterfly, a four-leaf clover, or a shooting star.
All of these things showed up in my life suddenly this summer, and with a little bit of inner inquisition, I knew what they were guiding me towards.
You probably already know the answer.
One of the classes I took this summer was the much dreaded and ill-anticipated Math 101. Knowing that it was now or never, I did online assignments every single night and suffered my way through. However, shortly after my first exam I realized that I was capable of passing – definitely not with a perfect grade or an exact accurate understanding, but I knew the answers.
I also realized that there were other things I knew the answer to, and just wasn’t admitting it to myself. If there’s something in your life right now that you’re denying, there’s a good chance the reason you are avoiding confronting it is because you know the right thing to do.
In between the constant back and forth of working and going to school / taking online classes, I began to appreciate the quiet moments of my summer. It was then that I learned how to listen and observe to not only what was going on around me, but what I was feeling inside. Through personal inquisition, even if just for a brief five-minute period, I learned that what I needed to do overall was just stop and listen to the signs.
Don’t be afraid.
This summer I learned what it’s like to be alone. As intimidated as I was at the beginning, thinking it was going to be a difficult transition to live without people I’d spent years with, it turned into an incredible gift. I found myself relying on my source of happiness coming from within, for the first time in a long time.
And not only that, the opportunity of change allowed a new door to open. I have people in my life now that mean so much to me, people who would have never entered my realm of possibility if not for the chance I was given to find myself this summer.
I was afraid of the monotony of work, afraid of the strain of college algebra, and afraid of being alone and left behind when I dreadfully started this summer.
And as it comes to a close, I can say with confidence that I have gained strength in the hours spent working, am extremely proud of my passing grade in math, and have developed such a deep love and appreciation for everyone who found their way into my life in the last few months.
I am excited for this next season in my life, and am hoping that fall of 2019 brings just as many possibilities (and not another problem of algebra ever again).