Today is July 16th, and there is almost exactly one month left before my 19th summer draws to a close. I’ve had an up and down summer, with pretty sky high moments and my fair share of bottom-of-the ocean lows. And whether the sun is shining or hidden, I’ve worked on growing my strength of shutting the worry curtain.

Think of it like this. I have a ginormous ballroom full of large looming objects with labels like “career path” “depression” “fear” “relationship problems” “work” “confrontation” “anxiety” “isolation” “money” “changes” written in red ink. And starring into this room, analyzing and digging into each situation, takes up the majority of my time and energy.

Therefore, by drawing the curtain over this room and its possessions, I can focus on today, right now, and what I can do to succeed in this moment only.

Other things I’ve been focused on this summer is making money. I’ve spent about 80% of my free time working as a waitress (sometimes both the day and night shifts), and writing for blogs and brands outside of my own. I enjoy one over the other, (obviously), but one pays more than the other, (sadly).

The majority of this income has gone into my Pomeranian puppy, Piper, saving for travel and concerts, investing in the stock market, as well as overall preparing for my sophomore year of college.

Because of time dedication to work and writing, the only people I’ve been able to keep up with is my family, my dog, and my boyfriend. Something I’ve been improving is my outlook, so I’ve tried to not dwell on the feelings of loss friendships or missed opportunities, and instead think of the people I’m being drawn to in the future, and the places I’m being called to.

Changing my outlook and changing my mindset has changed my personality, my demeanor, and my lifestyle. Yoga, biking, running, walking, and meditation are daily habits, as well as eating non-processed and whole foods (so much easier at home then in the dorms).

I’ve organized my room, cleaned out my car, sold old clothes, built new habits, changed my diet, and developed a new style. And as things do in this life, everything I focus on flows together in the stream out to the ocean, washing my blog/writing/career into the changing tides.

Therefore, I’ve remodeled “Illiterate Blondes” into the brand I think it was born to be. I’ve added sub-categories to organize my many interests into reader-easy navigation. I’ve changed the format and the design to represent my changing style as well: from youthful and energetic (think 17 year-old children’s book writer) to confident and poised (think 20 year-old freelance writer/blogger).

As I draw near my second decade of life, and my fourth year of publicly writing, I want to approach everything I do with a sense of composure and confidence. With enough confidence in the way I look, the way I feel, and the way I express myself through media, a cool composure is sure to follow. That’s the goal at least.

Because if I can alter my energy exchange, my image, and my outlook by age 20, that’ll make the rest of the decades go by at least a little bit smoother. Right?

Hopeful,

Madeleine Rheinheimer