I am notoriously known to overwork myself. However, if it came down to a job interview, I could tailor this statement to fit my favor. Dedication, passion, call it what you want, but at the end of the day, I prefer to be exhausted.
And my defining word of the past few weeks? Exhausted. Between finals, saying goodbye, attending dozens of graduation parties, hosting my own graduation party, and praying my cap wouldn’t slip off my head as I crossed the stage to accept my diploma, I am wiped out. I often find myself wondering at night as I lay in bed still fully clothed and with the lights still on, do I really want to keep this up?
Short answer: no.
Long answer: OF COURSE.
Let me start this train of explanation with the aching pain erupting from the left side of my mouth. (Yes, I am that girl who schedules her teeth fillings the day after graduation, just to get it over with.) But now, as the Novocain is starting to linger, it’s hitting me just how tired I actually am. I could use a nap, a massage, an iced coffee, or a vacation to the Bahamas. But couldn’t we all?
Despite my heavy eyelids though, I want to work. The best way for me to get rid of this pain isn’t through pills (or liquid painkiller), it’s through distracting my mind with the thing I love best.
And for that reason, even though my head pounds from change, emotions, and dental drilling, I opened my laptop when I got home, and started clicking away on my keys.
To conclude the long answer, yes, I really do want to keep it up. By “it”, I don’t mean the lack of sleep-lack of patience-lack of tissues-lack of time, weariness brought on by this phase of my life. I’m talking about the reason I jump out of bed in the morning to flip through my favorite novel. I’m talking about the feeling I get when I place the final period on my latest manuscript.
I’m talking about the satisfaction of closing my eyes after a long (but merrily productive) day, knowing that I didn’t let the world shape me, but rather, I shaped the world in my own way.
Despite my circumstances, ailments, or setbacks, I have work to do here.
I’m also probably going to go take some Tylenol, then post this blog.