Change to Spare

I love spring.

I love the plants, the smell of the flowers, the sound of frogs, the early sunrise, the late sunset, the songbirds on both of these occasions, the green grass, and most of all, the sunshine. Oh, packing the heavy duty sweatshirts and jackets into the back of my closet is the most freeing feeling. I just love this time of year.

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Me, casually trying to ignore the impending stress and enjoy the weather.

I hate change.

I hate losing a routine, facing an alternative landscape, fumbling blindly about, the icky feeling of uncertainty in your stomach. I can’t stand the thought of leaving, looking different, acting different, thinking different. Fear scares me.

And yet, spring is all about change. The grass that emerged last week wasn’t the same that died beneath the heavy snow last year. It changes. The flowers, the leaves, the buds are all new, never before embracing the sun. They’ve changed. The days get longer, skin gets darker, the sky gets crisper. Everything is changing.

This time around, in the spring of 2017, I’m experiencing change like nothing I’ve ever felt before. I am concluding my twelfth year of education. I am preparing to leave the only home and family I’ve known for eighteen consecutive years. I am saying goodbye to friends, both good and bad. I am making preparations for the next year of my life.

And it all revolves around that damn word.

This phase of my life is hard. Leaving is hard. Ending years of the same routine is hard. Despite my nearly daily breakdowns and stress eating, this weather is helping. Granted, it’s not making it easy, but it’s making it better.

No matter how cold the snow gets, the flowers still come up. No matter how violently the wind blows, the frogs still sing me to sleep. And no matter how much the temperature drops below freezing, the grass still grows greener than the year before.

I will officially attempt to embrace the change instead of fighting it, even though it terrifies me more than diseases, working an office job, or heights. I mean, I don’t have much of a choice at this point… it’s either ride the wave or drown.

Hanging on for dear life,

Maddie

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