I told my mom this morning that it feels as if I haven’t seen the sun in four years. This is a major issue for me, and once again I am constantly reminded of how insignificant some of my “issues” are.
This is what is commonly referred to as “a first world problem”. My wifi doesn’t work at school, so I have to doodle on my notes instead. First world problem. I can’t decide between chocolate or vanilla, so I choose neither. First world problem. We ran out of milk last night, so I have to eat my cereal dry. First world problem.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. Boo hoo, Maddie, your life is so hard. I don’t know how you even manage to get out of bed in the morning, let alone eat dry cereal? Geez, you have it rough. (Or something along those lines.)
But this whole “sun” thing really grinds my gears. It’s as if I can’t function in the grey gloom that has settled over the world (or just Nebraska). Waking up to another sheet of darkness and raindrops on my window makes me want to hit snooze. And I never hit snooze, because then my fashionably lateness would turn into for-real annoying lateness.
I am really stuck in a rut though, because I’ve allowed my mindset to become clouded over (pun intended). I mean, c’mon. I’m a strong, powerful, independent woman and I’m letting the weather affect my entire day? It’s pathetic!
Last night, I watched a documentary about the creation/distribution of LSD in the 1960’s (Last time my boyfriend is letting me choose what we watch!) The two men, who are now in their 70’s, had nothing but good intentions. They weren’t in it for the money or the fame, the genuinely believed that what they were doing was good for humanity. They craved a lasting sense of peace, happiness, and bliss, something they experienced while on the drug. They named their creation “Orange Sunshine”.
These two men found a way to create their own sunshine.
This is what I strive for.
Before anyone jumps to any conclusions, I do not promote or support the use of LSD! What I do encourage however, is to find a way to define and design your own sunshine. I understand now, thanks to the LSD documentary, that the sun can’t be found or achieved. You have to create your own. Whether that be taking spontaneous dance breaks throughout the day, traveling to Europe, or eating sushi like it’s going out of style, only you control your happiness.
So until it actually comes back and begins to feel like spring again, I will be doing the things that bring me the most joy, (not psychedelic drugs!!) and producing my own rays.