Under Construction

You know that feeling you get, when you struggle to drag yourself to the coffee pot, clinging to the edge of the counter? Your body aches, your vision blurs, and your mind can only focus on the thought of warm espresso. This scene is certainly a struggle that I’m sure more than one of us deal with, and the feeling of weakness is rather crummy.

I hate dependency, especially on caffeine. It’s one of my weaknesses. I despise the thought that I need to do something or have something in order to function.

I don’t like following orders.

My sympathy, tolerance, and patience levels are far below average.

I am selfish.

I must complete a certain list of tasks before midnight, every single one, otherwise the day was a waste in my eyes.

I am indecisive.

I have a short focus when it comes to the subjects of math or science.

I cry easily.

It’s either my way, or the highway.

I put my needs before others.

I am stubborn.

I need to follow a specific plan, and can’t stand when some spontaneous event gets in the way of my schedule.

I am a control-freak.

But the one thing that I am not, is scared.

I’m not afraid to admit all of the above. I am very aware that I am a broken and flawed person. My family and close friends are also very aware of this, as they would readily admit in an instant.


The thing is though, I’m unfinished. The “under-construction” sign is always invisibly blinking above my head. And I will never be completely finished, along with the rest of the human population.

We are all so weak, no matter how much we lift or add protein to our drinks. We will always be dependent, impatient, bossy, and unsteady. Our weakness never really go away, we just learn how to cope with them.

I have been coping with my faults for seventeen and a half years now, and every time I get discouraged with how many blemishes I’ve developed, I remind myself that the blemishes are what make me resilient. If we all remember to turn on that “under construction” sign, our weakness will not longer make us dependent and enslaved to the flaws of life. We’re all working on it, one problem at a time.

(With the exception of math, math will always be my weakness.)

Forever imperfect,

Maddie Rheinheimer

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