This Mother’s Day, I bought my mom a card that had the word “ass” scrawled across the front. I easily could have chosen a typical Mother’s Day card, with pink butterflies and angel wings and a message that brings tears to even the toughest of eyes.

But no, not me.

That’s too predictable, and being predictable is for weenies.
Now

before you jump to any conclusions or make rash judgement, I will show you what the card looks like.

See?

That’s even not that bad!

I simply had to give her this card, because those five words are far better than any sappy Hallmark poem I could find. They are the pure and whole truth, and she knows it. My mother has saved my ass more times than I can count.

Such as when I knocked over a display in the grocery store, and she pulled me around the corner and we both made a quick getaway without a glance over the shoulder.

Or when I accidentally used 3 cups of salt instead of sugar, and she still made my brother’s eat the cookies because they “tasted fine”.

Or the time my dress suddenly didn’t fit on the homecoming night, and she tied a satin ribbon around my waist to make it stay up.

And I can’t forget about all the times I had to leave school early, because of a conveniently timed appointment.

My mom’s got my back, and I have hers, because that’s what best friends do. She’s not only my closest friend, she’s my teacher on how to live like a badass. I am eternally grateful to have her presence in my life, and can’t imagine living with a mother who leaves you to fend for yourself when you accidentally destroy a tower of soda bottles in the grocery store.

Thanks for saving my ass, Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.

Xoxo, Maddie Rheinheimer