I’m going to make this short, sweet, and full of fire.
Ever have those days where you just wake up with a feeling of impending doom? Yeah, me too. I’m going to describe this feeling as the spark. It’s small, the kind of spark you get when you rub two rocks together.
But you all know that even the smallest spark can lead to a wildfire.
I woke up this morning and the spark was already hot. I could feel it burning a hole in me. By this point in my moody teenage years, I know my spark much too well. In other words, it’s why I’m not a morning person.
I’m cold, tired, and moody in the morning. I typically wake up with the spark. And it either gets put out, or ignited. Depending on a number of things. Other people usually end up being the executive decision maker of the flame. Okay wait.. I’m not trying to say it’s always someone else’s fault that I’m moody, however, usually it is. I am to blame for a majority of the problem, but you know what I mean. A pop quiz first hour, an ignorant comment, or a tardy slip can really set your day back.
As I said, today, like most days, the spark was present when I woke up. I went along with my day, trying my best to ignore it. But the flames were fanned with each minute that passed. Every little thing blew on the spark, until finally, it burst into flames. Everyone handles the fire differently, I completely shut down while trying to put mine out.
But here’s the funny thing, sometimes I don’t want it to be extinguished right away. I want it to burn for a while, destroying everything in it’s path.
It’s like the farmer up the road. Occasionally, he’ll burn his land to make it better for crops. This is so ironic to me, burning everything he worked for all season, hoping that the flames will clean up the old and bring in the new. I heard it works though, makes the soil healthier or something. Crazy old farmer.
So today, I let the fire burn. I let all of my stress, anger, and negative vibes melt. I hoped that I could be like the land, and maybe if I burned away the bad feelings, the good ones would take their place. The flames were bitter and cold today, a long time coming. My friends and family attempted to put it out, but sometimes, only I can stop the blaze. And as in most cases, the sparks dull over time. As the day went on, the flames slowly subdued. No matter how many times I tried to throw water on them, they wouldn’t stop burning until they wanted to.
What I’ve learned from my spark is this- sometimes you have to make the best of the fire. Instead of shutting the world off like I do, I need to share the flames and make s’mores. Because c’mon, who doesn’t enjoy a good chocolate marshmallow? But at the same time, I need the spark to ignite somedays. The bottled up feelings need to be released.
As John Green said, “That’s the thing about pain. It demands to be felt”. And he’s right, it does. I’m not sure if it was pain or just agitated nerves that I’ve been bundling inside, but the fire got rid of whatever demons were inside of me today.
I suppose I just need to remember to keep an extra bucket of water around whenever I feel the spark start to heat up.
-As Always, Maddie