When your feet are always cold, even if you have 4 pairs of fuzzy socks on.
When you happen to look like an albino in a blizzard due to lack of sunlight.
When you are slightly depressed about the passing of Christmas, and the fact that the candy canes are almost out.
When the ground is half-snow, half-frozen mud.
When your skin is drier than burnt toast.
When you’re truly miserable and just want to leave.
Simply put, I have a bad case of the January blues. But I don’t feel blue, I feel more like a shade of gray. If you can even feel like a color..
I think that a trip to the beach could cure the January blues. Actually, I know it could. I am obsessed with the ocean. When I was little, I thought for sure, without a doubt I was going to be a Marine Biologist and work with injured dolphins and have a huge tropical fish tank in my living room. But then I realized biology is not fun and abandoned that dream.
Even my room is beach themed. My walls are three different shades of blue, one of them is wooden paneled, and I have two huge palm tree posters. I love everything about the beach, even though I live in the middle of a giant landmass. I love the sun, the salt, and the sand (even though getting it in your swimsuit sucks).
As strong as my passion for the beach is, there are just a few complications. One, I have responsibilities very unfortunately. That’s another fun part of growing up, kids. I have to pay bills, buy food for the cat, and water the plants. Just kidding. I don’t have a cat, pay any bills, and the plants are already dead. But I do have things like school and practices to take care of. Do you know the amount of catching up in biology I would have if I got a plane tonight? I would be writing about the Mitosis process until I had grand babies.
Also, getting away from your life for a while costs money, honey. Money that I do not have at the moment. I am unemployed and still living with my parents, you could basically call me a bum. Well.. I am still young enough where that is publicly acceptable, so please don’t call me a bum. But anyways, where am I going to come up with the big bucks that a plane ticket and hotel costs? And not to mention I would need to go on a shopping spree. I cannot wear my drab, dull, heavy, winter-in-Nebraska clothes on a beach.
Another reason I can’t just up and leave is that I get homesick. I know, I know, it’s so ironic since I’m writing this post about how awful this is. However, I guess you could say I get more people sick than homesick. There are certain people in this world that I can’t live without, and that sort of scares me. It really scares me actually. Yes, I need a few days in a hammock and a cold drink with an umbrella, but I’ll end up missing the people I love most. Maybe they could all come with me.
Back to thinking of colors and how sometimes I feel like a color, being on the beach feels like a bright shade of yellow. Is that weird? Am I the only one who thinks that? I wish I was feeling yellow and warm. Cold and gray is kind of depressing. I’m tired of it.
But I need to face the ugly reality sooner or later. I’m not going anywhere. I just have to keep the faith that these next few months will get warmer and less miserable.
-as always, Maddie.